Aryeh Krasman

Aryeh Krasman (born June 7, 1971) is a prominent Orthodox Jewish LGBTQ activist and one of the early members of Havruta, an organization supporting religious and formerly religious LGBTQ Jewish Israelis. Raised in Toronto, Canada, Aryeh grew up in the northern suburbs of the city in a traditional Orthodox Jewish household. After completing his studies in architecture at the University of Toronto, he moved to Israel, where he has lived ever since. After serving on Havruta’s board for several years, Aryeh stepped back from leadership but remains a prominent member of Jerusalem’s LGBTQ community.

Growing up, Aryeh attended Jewish day schools from elementary through high school. His parents were prominent members of their suburban Toronto community, and as a teenager Aryeh followed in their footsteps by becoming an active leader in the NCSY (National Conference of Synagogue Youth) youth movement, where he served as Vice President of Education. In this role, he integrated educational themes into events, skills in community programming and leadership that he would use later in creating Havruta programming.

During the 1970s and 1980s, discussions about homosexuality were virtually nonexistent in Aryeh’s Orthodox community. The AIDS crisis brought the topic into the community's consciousness, even when it was talked about in a way as if it was “not an issue” for their community. The crisis brought on interest about homosexuality, which added to Aryeh’s growing feeling of isolation from his peers. Already during puberty, he had felt disconnected from his friends’ conversations about girls, but the messaging that he received from his teachers in school about the crisis reinforced to Aryeh that there was no space for someone to come out as gay in his community. The impression he was left with from one of his teachers was “better to kill yourself than be gay,” something that shaped his mindset for years, compounding his sense of alienation.

Having skipped a grade, Aryeh began studying architecture at the University of Toronto at age 17 in 1988. For the first time, he encountered openly gay peers, yet these experiences only deepened his internalized belief that being gay was incompatible with his religious and cultural values. After two years, Aryeh took a break to study at a yeshiva in Israel. The year abroad solidified his desire to make aliyah (immigrate to Israel), and after completing his degree, he moved to Jerusalem’s Katamon neighborhood, known for its vibrant community of young English-speaking immigrants. While Katamon’s warmth and friendly culture provided companionship, Aryeh struggled internally. And despite dating several women, he continued to feel emotionally disconnected and feared hurting others by pretending to be someone he was not.

By 2006, after more than a decade in Israel, Aryeh reached a breaking point. On Yom Kippur, he offered a vulnerable prayer to God, acknowledging his struggles and questioning his place in the world. The realization that he was not 'struck by lightning' after his openness helped Aryeh see that living authentically might align with God’s plan for him. Furthermore, the advent of home internet provided him with a safe and anonymous way to explore his identity. Through online chatrooms and forums, Aryeh connected with other Orthodox gay men, beginning a cautious journey toward self-acceptance.

In 2008, Aryeh discovered Havruta, a newly-formed group in Jerusalem for religious gay men. Attending its meetups was both liberating and intimidating. For the first time, he found a community of people who shared his experiences and struggles. With their support, Aryeh began coming out to his family. When he told his mother, she responded with two requests: that he not be alone and that he continue to wear a kippah. These words resonated deeply with Aryeh, shaping his activism and personal mission.

As Aryeh embraced his identity, he found renewed energy to volunteer. In 2010, as Havruta’s founders Benny Elbaz and Natan Epstein moved on to other ventures, Aryeh joined its board during a pivotal leadership transition. Under this new generation, Havruta evolved from a discreet support group to a more outward-facing organization with an activist bent. The group’s decision to "come out" publicly was controversial, as it required balancing visibility with the need for privacy in a community where many members remained closeted. Aryeh, while initially hesitant, committed to being aware of this tension while fostering a space that bridged the religious and queer worlds, challenging the dichotomy of "either religious or gay."

As Havruta’s board member responsible for educational programming, Aryeh prioritized creating events that combined depth, reflection, and comfort. One of his hallmark initiatives was an annual Tisha B’Av event in Jerusalem’s Old City, which connected themes of destruction, baseless hatred, and personal struggle to the LGBTQ experience. In one instance, he organized a discussion on the impact of gay men divorcing their wives and the effects on their families—a difficult but necessary conversation.

By 2014, Aryeh decided to retire from active leadership to focus on his architectural career and personal life. However, he remained a vital part of Havruta as a participant and elder advisor, offering guidance to new leaders. The friendships and chosen family he found through his activism have been enduring sources of support and joy. Over the years, as Aryeh’s observance and understanding of his place within the religious world have evolved, his connection to Judaism and God has remained steadfast. His journey is a testament to the power of authenticity and community.

(This biographical statement written by Jason Greenspan from an interview with Aryeh Krasman and was edited by Krasman.)

Biography Date: March 2025

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